Fuck flowers and chocolate, gimme Darcy

Valentine’s Day is nigh. Time to blow the dust off the crotchless lingerie and prepare for some lackluster shtuping.

Which leads me to the fact that so much emphasis is put on the woman to keep the fire going in a relationship. We should dress up in sexy outfits, add pole dancing as a workout, stick a finger in his asshole. Why do I not come home to the dude dressed up as Mr. Darcy? God forbid you put on some guyliner and seduce us. (I am not into guyliner I’m just sayin.)

The main complaint from men is they’re not getting laid enough. I feel sorry for the sonofbitches whose girlfriends/wives are totally uninterested in sex. But then I think about the dudes you see down at the Home Depot and I wonder if the problem lies with their wives. If you haven’t gotten laid since your last birthday, look in the mirror and ask yourself some questions. Did I gain some weight? Did I gain a lot of weight? When was the last time I bought new underwear? Would I want to fuck me? Maybe if I tried some new shit instead of diving immediately in the panties. Maybe if I didn’t put the pussy on a pedestal. Maybe instead of cheating or fucking prostitutes I should man up and call it quits.

Here’s something to ponder: Your gf/wife loves sex, just not with you.